Unlocking True Happiness

Mindfully Managing Anger

Episode Summary

This episode, recorded live during a teaching, dives deep into one of the most powerful emotions that can often manifest destructively -- anger. Ven. Tenzin uncovers the triggers of anger - and its antidotes - followed by a reflection that invites us to look at a past episode of anger, understand its roots and see clearly how often anger can be caused by (and cause) a misapprehension of reality.

Episode Notes

Characteristics of Anger:

• Theme: Being thwarted in pursuit of goal that matters to you
• Effects: Anger controls, punishes and retaliates
• Dangerous effect: Anger calls forth more anger. It is difficult not to respond to anger with anger, especially when it appears unjustified
• Why do people want to change anger?
• It is the dangerous emotion that can quickly hurt others, psychologically, and physically
• Many taught not to express anger -> guilt, shame
• For some own anger can get out of control -> fear

Common Anger Triggers

• Interference and lack of efficacy
• Disrespect
• Someone trying to hurt us
• Another person’s anger
• Injustice: both societal and personal (not being given credit for work)
• Disappointment in how a person has acted
• Betrayal, abandonment, rejection
• Being falsely accused
• Breaking a cultural rule

Anger Antidotes

• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
• Don’t take it personally!
• Is the other person mirroring your own unwanted qualities?
• Do you have a need that is not being met?
• Check your expectation!
• Check for an underlying emotion (fear, hurt, vulnerability)
• Is there an important message?
• Keep a healthy distance from triggering objects!
• Cultivating loving-kindness and compassion